I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
