Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
