I just saw a hot homeless man
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
