i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
