She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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