She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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