I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
