My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
