Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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