your parents love me but you hate me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
