uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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