There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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