The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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