yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
