thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
