Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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