he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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