Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
