I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize