guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
