I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
