im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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