I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
