he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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