$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
