walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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