I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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