Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
