you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
