Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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