Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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