dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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