I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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