Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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