I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
