well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
handjob tips. give me some.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
