Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
