That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize