I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize