What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
