Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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