you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
