Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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