you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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