not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize