Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
