those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
