I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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