I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
