there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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