Swine flu is the new snow day.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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