Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
