Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
