If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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