brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
