I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
high people should be assigned attendants
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
