Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
