I met the friendliest cop last night
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
