Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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