his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
