as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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