Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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