Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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