i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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