Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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