The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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