why didn't you poke me back
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
