I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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