why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
