theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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